In a five minute period, I reached the high and low of my day. Some work paid off in a really awesome way. And then, I remembered it’s O.B.’s fourth birthday that he’s missed. Happy Birthday, love. I miss you so much. <3
Tense shoulders, shaky hands and an absent brain. Because sometimes distance only serves as an escape from opening up to reality. Because sometimes being closed off serves as ones response to everything, not just the bad. Because all of my defense mechanisms have turned to daily life. Because all my excuses are too easily accepted as truth. Because lifeless conversation is safer than conviction. Because no one knows whats beneath the surface.
Some days are harder than others because some days force you to acknowledge the past. Whether it’s a scent, a scene or just a random flashback, there are moments throughout the rest of our life where we see history replay in our memory. And then, if you aren’t careful, those moments become days that become weeks that become months. And suddenly, you have forgotten all about what you’re doing here because your mind can’t manage to get “unstuck”
I often misplace or don’t look back on my sermon notes. So, I want to type them out this week. And they might be totally random and make no sense to anyone else. So excuse me if the points don’t connect. And if they do, I’m glad someone else is able to receive something from them. Anyways, I go to a church in Germantown (Nashville) called The Axis. And these are my notes from today.
1 John 5:13-21, Luke 11:11-13, Psalm 37:4
"Delight yourself in the Lord" - the desires of our hearts change as we desire Him more. - Often, the desires of our hearts are sinful or selfish
God isn’t Santa; God is a good daddy. He may not always provide exactly what we are asking for. But that only means we aren’t asking for the right things or He wants to use the opportunity to grow us more.
The only way to learn His will is by spending time in His word and in prayer.
It is helpful to be known by others. Not only for confession, but also for correction and criticism. But before correcting others, we must pray for God to convict them of those sins and grant us the words if He chooses to use us to address them.
The sin that “leads to death” in 1 John 5 is the continuous denial of the ultimate Source of Forgiveness, Himself.
An idol is something that, if removed from my life, could shatter my worth and identity. (goals, pride, career, success, simplicity, etc.)
ALL of the promises of God are COMPLETED.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about identity this week. And trying to examine the roots of my insecurities. Since it’s something many women struggle with, I wanted to report my findings.
As a Christian woman, I have one true identity. Just one. And that is God’s Beloved. God looks at me and sees this perfect child that gets to spend eternity with Him.
As a human woman, I have many other identities. Some I have given myself, some have been spoken over me so many times I can’t help but agree. Some are positive and some are negative. For whatever reason, the negatives resonate louder and more rapidly throughout my life.
Before I really knew God, I cared far too much about a boy that told me I was worthless and crazy. He led me to believe that every negative in the world was somehow tied to my existence. But then in the same sentence, he told me he cared about me. My identity became “crazy” and “worthless.”
When I met Jesus, I gained my new identity of Beloved. But occasionally, I feel crazy and worthless. And it’s so disheartening to fall victim to these lies when I feel I’ve made so much progress in my new identity. So the other day, I was really struggling with that and just cried out to God to show me why I couldn’t shake that blasphemous identity. And here’s what I got:
I have been a human for 25 years. I have been a woman for 25 years. I spent 22 of those years screwing up and falling down and breaking without admitting that I needed help. I acquired a distaste for my own characteristics. And I’ve only had three years of developing in my new identity. I spent three years hearing that I was crazy and worthless from someone that was standing face-to-face proclaiming those things over me. And I felt it. It became “me.” And since I feel so greatly flawed, it’s easier for me to feel my imperfect identity, rather than my identity in God.
Anyone have any other insight on this?
Sitting in the balcony of Oxford Exchange in Tampa, FL. Observing all these diverse lives meeting in one spot for only a few moments, possibly never to cross paths again. And I can’t help but wonder the burden each back endures and the journey each foot has traveled. It’s such a bittersweet curiosity. I’m battling between the urge to hug everyone hoping to cure their possible fury and being furious, myself, that perhaps their lives are more fulfilling than my own. And then I’m struck with guilt that I could anticipate such sadness or envy. I won’t ever understand each individual that drifts through my presence on a daily basis but I have this inevitable opportunity to connect with a few people continually striding the same path. And yet, I often neglect those precious fortuities.
God, please grant me the visibility to witness the lives of those closest to me in a way that reflects my eagerness to see your work in them.